Hair

I've decided to switch hair stylists, at least for the time being...
This is a big deal!

I think its funny how attached and committed we feel to our HAIR stylist! In all seriousness though, it is extremely difficult to find a stylist that is an ideal match. Here are the qualities I would like my stylist to have:

• Obviously great talent at cutting and coloring hair
• Enthusiasm for what they do and lots of creativity. I rely heavily on my stylist to choose what is best for me. I rarely come in with a specific idea or "look" in mind. I like them to work their magic!
• Decently priced. Too low and you don't think you are getting a good enough job, too high and you feel resentment when you look in the mirror and don't feel like a supermodel.
• They need to be someone you can comfortably chat with. Someone that doesn't exhaust you with gossip and stories, someone that doesn't drain you with a million questions when you know they don't even care about you, and someone who doesn't leave long patches of awkward silence. You don't want to come out of a 1-2 hour appointment feeling drained from the conversation, you want to feel relaxed. Like you chatted with a sibling or old friend.

Recently, I feel like the woman who I have been going to off and on since I was 14, and exclusively during the last 2-3 years, is not quite cutting it. (pun was not intended! but I like it!) She has great skill and creativity, but sitting in her chair lately has gotten more and more draining.

I honestly feel a little judgement from her. I feel like she resents that I am younger than her and married (this sounds weird, I know!) but she has been single for a while and she is in her mid-thirties. Not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that at all. It's just tough because I often get trapped in conversation with her. She complains about being single and says she will never get married and she just wants to give up. I am positive, and tell her she will find someone because she is cute and funny and hardworking. (this is true!) Then she says she wants to be single, and I tell her some honest benefits to being single.... We get to a point talking where she corners me, like I am stuck because I have no clue what I could possibly say to her. Now I enter every conversation with caution. I am hesitant to agree with something she says in fear she will turn it around on me later. This is so weird!

Without going into every incident, I do want to share one more thing... I color my hair dark and have very fair skin. Sometimes the dye gets on the side of my face (normal) and they wipe it off with a towel. The past few times she has been a little sloppy about it and gotten some on my face. She doesn't notice it until it has dried on and then she scrubs it HARD with this chemical and a towel. It literally rubs my skin off, and I have this small red dry patch on my face for a month afterward. On my last visit I asked her to be careful and explained what happens to my face, and she got super defensive, and basically made me feel like I was overreacting and being high maintenance!

During the past few visits I have been uncomfortable. On top of that, when I go to pay, she is just choosing a number out of thin air. I feel like she doesn't respect that I work hard for my money and choosing to go to a $100+ hair cut is a big decision for me. I have to plan the appointments, usually around payday, to make sure I have the money to do it! Once she charged $75 for a cut and color because she was worried the color would fade, she normally charges somewhere between $90 and $110 for the full cut and color, and on a recent visit it was $90 for a sloppy color retouch and a trim!

While I really like her, and think she does a really nice job, I decided to take a break for a while and try someone else. At first I had feelings of guilt...

I have had numerous conversations with my friends about switching... They say:

• "once I saw my old stylist at the grocery store and I ran the other direction"
• "I just stopped going, never called or anything. One day she saw me with a different haircut and we haven't talked since"
• "I've been going to Marie for 10 years, I don't trust anyone else to cut my hair"

My belief is that hair stylists are not miracle workers, and they are the only person on earth who can do my hair. I feel that many people are skilled at cutting hair. Also I don't get very attached to the outcome of my hair. I am not worried if it is not my favorite look. Hair grows, we color, we cut, we get older, styles change. I like to mix it up. I am not scared of letting someone else cut my hair. I hope I don't get caught with the same look for 10 years!

So I decided not to feel guilty. I can switch if I want and if she is offended it is her problem. I knew it was important to be up front with her about switching stylists, but I still didn't have the guts to call her on the phone. Mostly because she never answers and I didn't want to leave a weird voicemail about it. Also due to the awkwardness of our recent conversations, I chickened out a little bit and wrote her on Facebook instead!

Here was what I wrote:

Hi lovely lady!

I just wanted to let you know that I went to another person this time for my
hair. It doesn't mean anything personal about you, I still LOVE what you do for
my hair and love seeing you! I just decided to mix it up this time. This stylist
is also a friend and they offered me a good deal so I said yes. I just wanted to
be up front about it because I think it's weird when people go to someone else
and don't say anything about it to their stylist.

I am sure I will be calling you for an appointment soon! How did your movie
turn out? I bet it was awesome!

Hope all is well!

I was honest in my email, but aired on the nice side because I know she will take it personally. But you know what... I went to someone else last night, felt liberated and free to make my own decision, and I don't feel guilty because at least I told her. So what are your thoughts?? Be "monogamous" with your stylist or play the field a bit?

Is there this unspoken loyalty that you worry about? Do you feel bad about switching?

Oh the joys of being a woman!! You bring these issues up to a man and they laugh, out loud, in your face. T's response "WHO CARES if she sees you with a new haircut?!"